Real men, Real Fathers

By Te-Ericka Patterson

This Father’s Day I want to honor all of the men who are handling their business despite the drama we women sometimes put you through. Yes, I’ll be the first to admit it, I have been the cause of some heartache for the men who play the many roles of father in my life.

When things didn’t work out between the father of my children and I, I was very bitter and angry and I would spend a lot of time coming up with ways to hurt him so that he could understand how I felt.

I wasn’t very creative in plotting revenge and I didn’t have the heart, so I never followed through with most of my plans, but every now and then I would make a slick comment challenging his role as a father. Truth be told, he is helping to support our children and I have no real complaints.

He’s a young professional out there handling his business and his sons are a priority in his life. Regardless of what happened between us, I can’t sidestep the fact that he absolutely adores his sons and it is evident in the way he looks past my crankiness and takes care of their wants as well as their needs.

When it comes to fatherhood we can not forget the men who have the biggest challenge -- raising someone else’s children. Not only do stepfathers have to accept and love that child as their own, they also have to put up with bratty children who don’t understand or appreciate the role they are playing in their lives. When biological father walked away to pursue his own goals, stepfather stepped in, took up the slack and loved
you and your mama just the same.

Step-daddy was there when you got sick at night or needed some money to go on a field trip. Step-daddy was there to pick you and your friends up from the movies when none of you could drive.
After all the back talk, insults and telling him, “You’re not my daddy!” when your real daddy couldn’t have cared less about you, don’t you think step-daddy deserves to be honored?

I do.

Allen, I am sorry. For all the times I told you I couldn’t stand you. For all the times I rolled my eyes. For all the times I took you for granted when you worked two jobs to support our family, and I would frown my face because you didn’t buy me the exact sneakers I wanted.

I want you to know that I have grown. I’m not that simple-minded little girl anymore. I appreciate the instrumental role you have played in my life. You had me living “ghetto fabulous.” You spoiled me. This taught me that I could have anything I wanted as long as I did what was necessary to get it. Because of you I am willing to work hard for what I want and expect the best in return.

Being a single mother myself, if I am blessed to have a man in my life one day, I hope that he will be as dedicated to our family as you are. And I really hope that he takes care of me as well as you take care of my mother.

Happy Father’s Day.


Happy father’s day, mom

By Hansen Sinclair


I would like to say “thank you” to my dad for being there to support me through all of my rough times; for teaching me how to defend myself verbally and physically and for giving me expert advice on women, dating and life in general. I would like to say thank you...but I can’t. Instead, I have to say “thank you, mom.”

When you’re young you don’t realize all the struggles and turmoil a single mother goes through raising a family(Technically, my mother isn’t single. My dad worked on a cruise ship and we only saw him for two hours a week, if lucky. This left my mother to raise a son and two daughters on her
own).

I got mad at her for not being able to afford the latest sneakers. I told her I hated her and wished she would die when she punished me and corrected me. I selfishly demanded her last dime to buy unnecessary items, leaving her to go without necessary essentials. I was, literally, a selfish bastard.

Now that I’m older, I have a better understanding of everything I put my mother through. I finally understand what people mean when they say a mother’s love is unconditional love. I finally understand that no matter how much I messed up or acted up my mother would never desert me. And I finally understand what she meant when she said, “This will hurt me more than it will hurt you.”

Tupac said it best: “Even though I acted crazy, I gotta thank the Lord that you made me.”

My mother left for Japan in August of 2003. And it’s true what they say, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Everything I couldn’t stand about her, I missed -- almost everything.

I hated her getting on my case about budgeting my money, but I miss the advice on how to save. I hated her telling me everything will work out how God wants it to work out, but now I need some direction in my life. I hated her flooding my cell phone with voicemail and checking up on me every 20
minutes, but now I wish I had someone here who cared. I hated her telling me I had to go to church and “give one-tenth of what you earn to God,” but now I’m questioning my own faith. In short, I miss her.

Living with my dad -- whom I have issues with -- is not easy. There needs to be a buffer. Someone who can absorb some of the tension. My mother is ... was that person. Although they don’t get along, my mother has decided to forgive my dad for any past hurt he inflicted upon her and takes solace in knowing “God has a plan for everyone.”

My mother taught me many valuable lessons, lessons I could not
appreciate had I learned them from anyone else. My mother taught me how to defend myself, not with fists or weapons, but
with books, knowledge and respect. She taught me how to be
responsible and how to own up to my mistakes, despite consequences.

In short, my mother taught me how to be a man.