Women bring it on themselves


By Hansen Sinclair
hsinclair@miamitimesonline.com

At the time this article was written I was in an argument with my girlfriend. She was the nicest, sweetest person...at first. Then she did the old flip-flop routine. She turned into what we would call a b...you get the idea.

Everything was my fault. I realized no matter if I was right, I was still wrong. Once I spent 36 hours on the phone, writing e-mails, sending flowers and candy and all that good stuff to her house, just to have her tell me: “How can I be sure you love me?” I am not a person to throw the “L” word around all willy-nilly. When I say it, I mean it. How dare she question my
words and actions?

Since that day, I’ve been bitter toward women, dating and that stupid word. I used to think men playing women and being “pimps” was a degrading means of treating them. Not anymore. I say “playa, playa, play on.” And may the best playa win.

Women, you take advantage of a guy’s generosity, good nature and
insecurities and use it as a pawn in your evil little game of “I got you P-whipped.” I’ll be honest, all of my girlfriends have cheated on me, the Black ones, the Spanish ones, and I even had a blind girl once tell me she didn’t think we should see each other anymore because I could not see where she was coming from.

Women in my age range, the 18-to-30 year olds, you do get what you deserve. I’m glad that brother you went home with a few nights ago never called you. I’m glad your boyfriend of eight years promised to put a ring on your finger, only to run off with someone younger and probably better-looking than you. It sounds harsh, but for all you college “virgins” taking your first “walk of shame,” trust me, there will be many more, and I
hope you get passed around like a love offering.

Sure, guys do tell you they love you in order to “hit dat,” but it’s not like you don’t do the same. Instead of “hittin’ dat,” you hit him up for his paper, his cheddar, his green (in English, his money), his emotions and his kindness.

You have numerous men “friends” for different jobs. You have the brother whose job it is to “put it down” in the bedroom. He is
your emergency “Richard.” In case of emergency, break glass. He’s big and dumb and you could care less about what he has to say. Then you have the Mr. Fix-it sucker who is there to fix stuff when it get broken. You may break him off with a little kiss and a home-made dinner, but that’s all.

Then you have your “date sucker.” He is the one who spends all his money on you, hoping, waiting, praying to get a little nookie. But, alas, none comes his way. Then you have your “buddy.” This is the guy -- usually gay -- who knows all your dirt and just how much of a “garden tool” you are.

That’s why I have my own “special friends” for my own special needs. I have, of course, the nocturnal freak. She is the ugly chick who is good in bed. She comes when the sun goes down, and has to leave by the time the sun comes up. She doesn’t call me, I call her. She is grateful just to get some.

Then I have the “trophy lady.” She is the one I take to all my public events. Her job is to be seen, not heard. We may or may not end up doing something. But if we don’t, freak number one will gladly substitute.

Then I have my buddy. She is usually lesbian, or bitter toward men. We hang out, go to movies. She is the one person I can be myself around without any sexual tension. She may or may not be ugly. It’s all preference.

Then, I have wifey. She is marriage material. She is always there. She is the one I want to have my kids. I would do anything for her. But they are few and far between. When I finally do find a wifey I’ll hold onto her. Until then, I’m getting my freak on.



Hansen’s “special friends” are made of plastic.

By Te-Ericka Patterson

What Hansen just demonstrated is an attitude of selfishness and
self-degradation. He calls it “being a playa” to make himself feel better when actually he’s setting himself up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction, loneliness and plenty of STDs.

We go through the ritual of dating as if it is a rite of passage, something that HAS to be done because everyone is doing it. If we take a look around us we see people dating all the time, but we fail to look at the fruit of their dating relationships. Let’s examine mine.

If I saw a man that I thought was attractive, and I was attracted to him, this probably means I would do something to get him to notice me. I would flirt or smile or just charm him with my personality. He’d get hooked, we’d hook up and then we’d wander through the rocky road of relationships with the intention to stay together, but without the commitment to see it
through.

I dated so much it became easy for me to quit in a relationship. We all do this because the world teaches us that if all of OUR needs are not being met then we should give up and look for someone else. This became a cycle and I got a lot of practice at breaking up. I could tell when a guy was losing interest or maybe I was just tired of looking at him. I knew just how
to leave without bruising his ego. I knew that I had to pack up everything he had given me and give it back, remove all of his pictures from my room and tell my friends not to mention him anymore. And this went on over and over and over again.

After I went to college I fell in love. We had a child. We broke up. We got back together. We had another child. We broke up again. Now my life resembles that of a divorced woman. We’re in court for child support. We have to make arrangements for visitation. He’s moved on with another woman and I am left to pick up the pieces of my shattered hopes. I have experienced all of the pain of a divorce without ever tasting the joys of
marriage.

I have several options now. I can choose to stay single for the rest of my life, vowing to never love again because I don’t want to be hurt. I can choose to date again and risk choosing the wrong guy or I can choose to trust God, relinquishing my desires to His will and trusting that if He has a husband for me He will bring him around and I won’t have to do a thing.

My choice: I trust God.

If you say you trust God to show you which path to take in life, whether it’s finding a job, whether to buy a house or what friends you should hang out with, then surely you can trust Him to show you the person He designed to be your partner for life.
You don’t have to go trying on all the shoes in the store to know which one is the best fit. There is no confusion if you seek the Lord, He will clearly label the one He made for you.

I know it gets rough when all you want is someone to return the favor because you’re so busy giving of yourself to everyone else. Be encouraged, your time is coming. You don’t have to look with your natural eyes, things usually seem hopeless when you do. There is a supernatural force at work here, a chance for you to receive the desires of your heart, if only you would believe in Him.